Review: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

The toy manufacturer Hasbro unleashed another of their popular product lines into cinemas over the past week, and the result, predictably, is a film that is loud and dumb, but a little fun. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is clichéd action adventure film that manages to play to the lowest common denominator by eschewing any semblance of plot, character, and narrative sense, to focus instead on explosions, destruction, and even more explosions. And yet, despite all these misgivings, the movie is leaps and bounds above the execrable Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which incidentally is another Hasbro product. Whereas that Michael Bay abomination was insulting and loathsome, G.I. Joe is harmless and forgivable. It manages not to outstay its welcome in the first 20 minutes, as happens with Transformers.

There’s no doubt that director Stephen Sommers, of The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, does that not have the visual flair of Michael Bay. The action scenes in G.I. Joe are competent but not eye-popping, much more reminiscent of action films of the early-to-late 90s. That doesn’t necessarily fault the film, however, because in truth, the action is mostly coherent and unobtrusive. Viewers will no doubt be able to follow the action, which is very different from the blurry, incoherent mess that is Bay’s direction. So yes, there are good times to be had in G.I. Joe, if action is all that defines quality cinema.

Where the film fails is in its uninspired story, which is basically a rehash of every James Bond villain’s stupid plan to control the world. This time, a military industrialist named McCullen has created weapons that use nanotechnology to destroy everything in their path. It is up the secret military unit, who for some reasons lives in the ocean, to thwart McCullen’s plans. McCullen is aided by a parade of henchman and storm troopers that can’t shoot straight, which most often leads to scenes of protracted gun fights, sword fights, and perhaps most grating, talking.

The cast gets by on looks alone and doesn’t really have a lot to work with. In this sense, the cast is secondary to the plot, which keeps them traveling to the Egyptian pyramids (again with the Egyptians?), 20,000 leagues under the sea, and the ice fields of Antarctica. Channing Tatum plays Duke, a knucklehead soldier who is recruited to the Joes, along with his sidekick Ripcord (Marlon Wayans), by General Hawk, played by Dennis Quaid in a style can best be described as embarrassing. It is quite a surprise to discover that out of a cast made up of Arnold Vosloo (a Sommers regular), Sienna Miller, and Rachel Nichols, Dennis Quaid’s performance is the most obtuse and one-dimensional. Throughout G.I. Joe, one is constantly reminded of the presence of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, a talented actor and whose presence in the film helps mitigate some of the bad taste associated with it. However, his character of Cobra spends much of the film struggling to breathe behind a mask that changes the sound of his voice. For all we know, it could have been any no-name actor behind that mask. Too bad then that the only way we might be able to see more Gordon-Levitt is for this film to spawn a sequel. Considering its surprising box office tally ($210 billion worldwide so far), a sequel may not be too far off. Here’s hoping Dennis Quaid sits it out.

Richard Saad
© Cinephile Magazine, 2009